Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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