well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
