I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
