Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
