I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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