yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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