I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
