whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
