He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
