Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
