It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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