Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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