you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize