I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
