So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
