I will die if light touches me.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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