I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You can't special order awesome
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
