It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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