Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
