While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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