I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
