Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
