If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
