dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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