Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
