I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
