forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I have fence marks all over my body
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
