So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
