last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
