Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
