At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize