I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
