Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
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Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
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Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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