It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
