omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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