my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
