I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
