i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
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He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize