P.S. I can't hear my feet
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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