tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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