what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
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i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Shame - the story of my life.
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