it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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