I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Randomize
