I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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