I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize