Will you blow on my dice?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
