And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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