it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
