so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
