And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
