I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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