I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
