So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize