She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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