After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
