ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
