Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I could fuck to npr.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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