dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
