can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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