I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize