Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
