I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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