apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He shit in the fireplace
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
